PredictMeLife

When our memories outweigh our dreams, we have
grown old.
And as you get older 3 things happen.
The first is your memory goes,
and I can’t remember
the other two…

Whell…if
the saying’s true OMG I accidentally drank a cup of tea full of ants inside (it
was a black mug OK) few days back (pls don’t ask just act sympathetic) there
goes my memory and my youth (orrrrr whats left of it).

All
these while (in my head) my Thursday was my Wednesday and my Friday was
somewhere far out so blergh I lost track of days due to too much zzz’s (it was
the nasi lemak’s aftermath I tell you…and Arifin rolls his eyes reading this
accusation blwek). Seriously putaran waktu tido aku exceed normal people and
aku dah tido 2 hari stret dah ni (makruh sungguh puase).

Anyway.

So
it was my birthday last Thursday. I’m not a year younger that’s for sure (dunia
kate Bye-Bye kubur kate Meh-Meh). The one song where Simon Webbe sang about
where one can do no wrong, yeah that one. But what he failed to mention is that
you keep on making mistakes and you learn from them as you go along your lives
(be it lurus or bengkang bengkok). And I want to keep on learning till the day
I die (even if I keep on repeating the same mistake pls don’t point fingers at
my memory). Nor the song where Switchfoot sang about being alone. At some point
in this life, we are bound to be alone. Loneliness can be a great display of
pathetic-ness or a great comfort, depending upon the circumstances. And I don’t
think I mind that loneliness this year.

Change
is a funny thing. We are never quite sure what we are becoming…or even why.
Then one day we looked at ourselves and wonder who we are and how we got that
way. Only one thing about change remains constant…it is always painful.
-JP

During
my school-college years, my special
day always seems to fall on holidays and I am grateful for that. Not that I
don’t appreciate all the surprises and cakes and whatnots friends did for my
birthday(s); I am. I do. Memang payah nak jumpe
member yang baik hati macam korang. Thank you ever so much for that *touch my
heart*. Just that I am perfectly fine celebrating it on my own now. I don’t see
the pathetic-ness in that.
When sometimes you just want
to bawl your heart out and you can’t cos hey you’re in the middle of your own
birthday party and no way in heaven you’re giving them a free show of your
major royal pathetic-ness. I feel like a hypocrite. Really. I loathed hypocrites and somehow or the
other I am one urgh!. I enjoyed celebrating other people’s birthday though
(does that even count?). I’m just not into limelight, more towards being a
background person (and there goes some random guy saying “no wonder she just
blends in with the wallpaper”). Shaddap you.

Truth
be told, I don’t fancy people celebrating my additional year.

No.

I’m
not a hypocrite when it comes to my age; I simply am not into celebration. I
don’t like having to fake my smiles, thanking people profusely for the gifts I
never remember asking for and saying “Oh thank you so much this is exactly what
I wanted”. A simple (text)message(s) is good enough for me. It only cost
20cents max (yeah yeah I’m a cheapskate boo hoo) and I’m saving everyone’s
money and thoughts from having to think and buy gifts cos I really don’t fancy
cracking MY brain trying to find the perfect gift for people (yeah yeah I’m
insensitive so BITE ME).
They say that it was possible that
everyone had 2 faces: some of us just did a better job of hiding it than others.
So. If you must know. My first face is smiling. Try
guessing the other one. Clue: The latter is the dark side of me I can’t
control.

But
when you have these determined people who made “we must peel Sekdah out of the
house on her birthday” their special mission, it’s really hard not to melt. So
I gave in and went out. Hoho don’t think I’m gonna let you guys off THAT easily
but eh thank you for forcing me out nonetheless. I had a blast hanging out
dengan korang (esp. watching you guys fight like cats and dogs mcm tgk movie
haha). Don’t let this face fool you, I REALLY
mean it.

To
all who wished in advance, on time, late, I don’t care even if you forget but
ehnyway I just wanna say a HUGE thank you for remembering (cos I occasionally
forget I was born this date this month eons ago myself haha past caring). To
those yang aku tak balas balik sms (I am pitifully creditless if you’re
wondering lah), I got your smses and Thank You. When they say it’s the thought
that counts, trust them they know what they’re talking about. I [HEART] you guys and girls of course! *beams*

Reality
is sinking faster. If we get too busy with life, one day we no longer even see
the sky. So, alone or not. The year is rolling and I’m determined to make
something out of my short-lived life here on earth. Be afraid, be very afraid…
 

Ya
Allah, sesungguhnya yang sangat menggembirakan aku ialah kerana Engkau
memberiku Iman. Tetapi aku takut kalau-kalau Iman itu Engkau cabut dari hatiku.
Maka selama perasaan takut ini ada padaku, kumengharap janganlah dicabut Iman
ini daripadaku.
-Yahya
bin Mu’aadz

This is by far the most horrifyingly long entry and kalau sape2 bace sampai sini, aku seriously akan buat hand-stand for each one of you (if you tell me la so pls don’t tell me you read sampai aku abes type ni OK. Good readers :D).

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 15th, 2007 at 2:13 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.